not-so-High school
July 13th, 2008 by Linda S
This week I received the 40th reunion “yearbook” from Oxford Hills High School. Because I am now living in a small midwestern town where practically everybody knows everybody and has “history” with each other, I believe I looked at the profiles of my old schoolmates with more understanding of what their lives are like. I realized there is a community there that I participated in for two short years and know almost nothing about. I relate to it as if it were a novel that I once read. I am surprised to find myself ”included.” A character with only a few lines. These reunion messages are a wonderful opportunity to take a trip down memory lane. For me, it is also a way to understand the person I was and the person I became.
So, 40 years later. I cannot bear to contemplate what I have not accomplished. To keep on requires great optimism, great faith, or a great deal of denial. Perhaps all three. And yet how we cling to this life! Such mysteries: the question of the soul, this love of life. Just to think that some of the people in this little book–maybe even me–still have another 20 years to walk the face of this earth, to consume more than our share, to pursue our small interests, to delight in children and grandchildren, to count our blessings, thank our friends and forgive our enemies, to lift our lids each morning and see daylight. Just think.
reading recommendation
June 10th, 2008 by Linda S
Read A Thousand Splendid Suns and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossein. What a writer! Wonderful books. I highly recommend.
tick torture
June 10th, 2008 by Linda S
It has done nothing but rain in Missouri this spring. My back yard has been a mucky mess since April. Bulbs rotted. Seeds washed away. We went from heat to air conditioning in one week. So…have I mentioned they don’t call this state “Misery” for nothing?
We are clearing a lot in the vicinity of the Lake of the Ozarks, or as I prefer to think of it, the Osage River, as a camp spot and playground. It involves a lot of up close and personal contact with poison ivy, turtles, snakes, etc. It is really coooool!
Best of all are these nasty evil bugs that are snacking on me with alarming regularity. Ticks. Hosing myself with Deet 49 does not seriously deter them. My blood is so tasty any nearby tick will quickly abandon its ride on SH or the dog to climb aboard Linda for a real gourmet dinner. Between the tick bites and chiggers I have more welts than dimples on an orange. Since staying out of the woods is not an option right now, I am checking carefully for any sign of lyme. Have a suspicious bite that may force me to consult the doc — although with no health insurance a dr visit for something even that simple will be costly. I know I shouldn’t put off health care because of cost–normally I wouldn’t–but I dont have a regular doc here in town and the few that practice here…let’s just say I am less than motivated.
There are scarlet tanagers at our camp spot. They are loud and bright and fun to watch. This spring we watched two pair flirting their way into the nest. Quite the PDA!
So between that and the hopeless task of trying to have a garden (most of which has drowned), I’m getting outdoors and having a good time. I crashed my atv into the woods, caught my foot between the tire and a tree, and had to be rescued by SH. That was fun. (No wiseacre comments about how you are supposed to keep the feet off the ground!)
I love summer. Don’t you?
catching up
May 13th, 2008 by Linda S
It’s been awhile. Funny how easy it is to get caught up in everyday life and forget about keeping my family, friends, and fans posted on how the aftermath is going. At one year and five months out of treatment, all seems well. There is an issue with a tooth (or more than one) decaying. My dentist does not want to work on my teeth until I’m two years out of treatment so for now I am double dosing the spot with fluoride and hoping for the best. I do not know if this is the way to deal with it — it worries me. I have read that one should not have a tooth pulled until at least 5 years out, due to osteonecrosis. It can actually be life threatening. So I don’t want to let this tooth go too long.
I have allergies this year, which results in waking up with a sore throat every day. I just keep telling myself it is allergies and post-nasal drip — but no matter what, it is still creepy and nerve wracking. You can’t help but wonder…is it JUST allergies? Should I get it checked? What if it isn’t JUST allergies?
You know I am so thankful that the treatment worked and I think I am incredibly lucky to have so few lasting effects. The neck scars are no big deal and I know I am extremely fortunate to have my taste and saliva back almost completely. Assuming I live, I could probably be a poster person for IMRT and Ellis Fischel Cancer Center!
another happy new year
January 2nd, 2008 by Linda S
Hello all. I am so pleased to be able to say Happy 2008. Ahhhh, life is good, isn’t it?
2007 was a difficult year. I am thankful I had a job to go to, which helped me to heal quickly. Sadly, there were three deaths in the family: my nephew Stephen, Craig’s cousin Randy, and Craig’s best friend, Phil. These were all relatively young men. Stephen was only 28. Randy not yet 40 and Phil just 45. All of them had serious health issues for a long time. It makes you think, though. Makes you remember to be thankful for every day and try to treasure the people you love every day.
I’m doing well. The migraines have come back, more frequent than ever. Due to no health insurance and cost considerations, I purchase migraine medicine over the internet. Aside from that, and bad hair, there seem to be no issues. I check in with Dr. Westgate tomorrow, and then I think I can cut down to a visit every six months. They recomend more often, but really its getting boring and redundant. I would rather not think about it.
Some permanent effects: Sandwiches will never again be a big hit with me. Too dry. Except Miracle Mile straw sandwiches in Phoenix — yay! — and Philly’s Best steak sandwiches in Phoenix — yay! – Fruit still doesn’t taste “right.” Considering that most of the flavor has been bred out of fruit in favor of shipping ease, perhaps it is just as well that I simply remember how good apples used to taste. And pears. And grapes. etc. Some burn scars, but not bad. I don’t feel that I have to hide them.
Well, happy new year everybody. Best of all: this is the last year Dubya Bush can be President. Suffering through his presidency has been torture. 2009 is bound to be an improvement for most of us.
Sightseeing
October 20th, 2007 by Linda S
As most of you know, I am happiest when I am outdoors. Here are a couple of pics from a recent sightseeing trip. The leaves don’t get very colorful here — not like New England — but there is some orange and yellow in among the brown.
Anniversary
October 20th, 2007 by Linda S
A year has passed since I began this journey. I have just looked back at my posts from October of 06. I wonder why I didn’t write more. Wasn’t there more? But no. What I know is that one does what is required. That’s all. One foot in front of the other. One radiation session at a time. Until the doctors say enough. Or until your body cries “uncle.”
Now that I have been through treatment, am I more compassionate? I think so. Great compassion for patients, cancer and other, dealing with it, getting through it. Yesterday I met a woman who is going to have lung surgery Monday. She has lung cancer although she has never smoked. This is the thing: she is the picture of health! Somewhat plump, great color, good energy. I know that a few days from now she will not be the picture of health, and I know it could be quite some time before she looks so well again. That shook me. I wanted to cry for her, for the person she was at that moment and the “patient” she would be in a short while. I wanted to tell her to get her picture taken and keep it with her so she could remember what she needed to get back to. To get through the bad stuff and get back to herself, the herself that existed before surgery, before chemotherapy.
I wonder if that is what cancer doctors experience–having to make you sick in order to make you live. Well, I guess they get a lot of appreciation when the outcome is good, but still. That has got to be a tough job.
I have no compassion for those patients who will not deal. Who make their loved ones do it for them. Who don’t take their meds or don’t do their exercises or don’t listen to the docs…who just don’t take responsibility for the fight. When SH was diagnosed he immediately learned all he could about his diseases and began taking all the steps necessary to stay as well as possible. He wears his oxygen 24/7 — even though people stare at him and sometimes ask dumb questions or (worse) act like he’s faking (what is THAT all about?). He takes his pills on schedule. He monitors his sugar and moderates his meals. He lives with it.
I think of this as an anniversary of sorts although it may be that the medical community doesn’t start counting survivor years until the end of treatment. I find it hard to believe that it was more than half a year from diagnosis to fully functioning almost “normal.” And that is quick. Happy anniversary to meeeee. Yee-hah!
anxiety
September 13th, 2007 by Linda S
woke up with a sore throat — again. Okay, it’s just allergies. My eyes are itching. It must be allergies.
but
have had a sore throat off and on since I got that terrible summer cold in July
so
anxiety
so
up at 4:00 a.m
think about something else — dont worry
Linda on vacation
August 25th, 2007 by Linda S
As a volunteer at the Hybridfest, I got to wear a “uniform,” hold a flag, and direct traffic. The power went straight to my head. Love telling people where to go. (see photo in photo album)
hot hot hot
August 9th, 2007 by Linda S
August in Missouri: the weather report : 97, 97, 97, 97. Its a humid heat and my garden is burning up.
Monday was check-up day at the cancer unit. This time I visited the radiology dept. It was great to visit with everybody: Diane, Kathy, Dr. Westgate, Shelly… Although I have lost a couple more pounds, I think I’m doing great. The doc was cautious. He said my neck feels good, soft and supple and no lumps. I didn’t get scoped: yay! I really really don’t want to get scoped–it is so unpleasant. We talked about other checkups, and (under pressure) I scheduled a mammogram (speaking of unpleasant) and I’ve had a pap which was “perfectly normal” and I’ve scheduled an osteoporosis test and have a follow-up with the dentist soon. Just takin’ care of business. For someone who never worried about health so much as an iota, this is all too much.
BTW does anyone think dogs have a sense of humor?